{ Today }

Today's date is etched in my mind.

It's a day I will never forget.

Probably a day that even those close to me wouldn't even remember the significance of. 

9/29/09

The due date of the baby we lost on 2/17/09.

That was such a difficult time for me. I was completely swallowed in my grief. Trying to fight it because I didn't want to feel the pain of it all. I just wanted to get past it. And then I realized that the only way to get past it was to work through it. I knew that I was forever changed, that I would never be the same again.

As I look back now, I won't forget the heartache of those days leading up to the miscarriage or the pain that lingered for a long time afterwards. More than that, I will always remember that little life that was our surprise baby, but the one we so desperately wanted. I will remember how grieving that baby together brought my husband and I so much closer. How I gained a new sensitivity for other mothers who have lost their babies whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or after they have lived on this earth. How my doctor was so kind and gentle and how much he cared about my emotional well being. And how a thoughtful friend gave me a card and a rose bush to plant in remembrance of our little one.

Most of all, I'll remember the little life that we never knew on this earth.

And look forward to the day we will meet face to face in heaven.

Psalm 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well. 

 My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 

 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.